Where would they be? Startling statistics about young men in foster care.

I’m currently reading Orphan Justice by Johnny Carr.  Johnny and his wife had internationally adopted two children.  After the adoption of one of their children, a friend of Johnny’s asked him a simple question.  What would’ve happened to her if she hadn’t have been adopted?  The picture wasn’t pretty.  She could’ve had a life of poverty, disease, been taken into the sex trade, and etc. 

Although my boys are adopted from the US foster care system, I had to ask myself what would’ve happened to them if they hadn’t been adopted.  However, please don’t think this is an attempt to give myself a pat on the back for “rescuing” them.  It is not.  I am merely trying to raise some awareness of the plight of children who are in need of a loving family.  The statistics found by a 2009 study called the Midwest study are alarming. 

The study followed 732 former foster youth from Iowa, Illinois, and Wisconsin as they transitioned out of the foster care system and into adulthood.  For our purpose I specifically focused on the young men in the study.

• 24% of those studied had been homeless, and half of those had been homeless more than once.
• 25% of those studied did not have a high school diploma or GED, and were over 3 times more likely to not have a high school diploma or GED as those their age that had not been in care.
• 52% of the study participants were currently unemployed.
• Median earnings were a mere $8,000.00 compared $18,300.00 for their peers who had not been in care.
• Participants were over twice as likely to have experienced material hardships (not enough money to pay rent, pay a utility bill, or had been evicted).
• 61% of young men in the study had impregnated their partner.  That is over twice as high as their peers who had not been in care.
• Of those 61%, 55% said the pregnancy had been unplanned.
• 45% of the young men studied said they’d been incarcerated.

So, what could’ve happened to my boys?  Chances are good that they wouldn’t graduate high school or go off to college.  They’d have children young.  They may be unemployed, or if they are employed they could expect to make much less than their peers.  And, they’d have more than likely had a run in with the law leading to their arrest. 

We have the ability to change the statistics for these children.  There are children in foster care right now who are waiting for a loving family.  The statistics above tell the story for children who needed a family and did not get one.  Will you change the statistics for a child?

The American Orphan Crisis: A Call to Arms

^{27AttributionNoncommercial Some rights reserved by Michael Mistretta}

 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. - James 1:27 ESV

The concept seems simple, as a Christian, we are to care for orphans in their affliction. But let me ask you one question, do you actually know an orphan? In the United States we tend not to think of having orphans. Orphans are another country’s problem. They’re in Ethiopia, Russia, or China. They are the children we rescue by adopting from third world countries. (Please understand that international adoption is a great calling.) But, what if I were to tell you that America has a huge orphan crisis?

We tend not to think of children in foster care as orphans. But they are. According to AdoptUSKids, 250,000 children enter the US foster care system every year. Most of these kids will be reunited with their parents, but many of these children’s parents have legally lost their rights to them. They are no longer legally the child’s parents. Orphans are children who have lost their parents; haven’t these children lost theirs? According to The Forgotten Initiative “there are approximately 104,000 children in our US foster care system waiting to be adopted”. Some of these children are in foster homes, but many may be in group homes (what used to be called orphanages) awaiting placement. These group homes give a child a roof over their head, food to eat, and clothes to wear, but they are far from the loving home that a child strives for.

Some of you may be asking, “What can I do?”

First, I want to challenge each and every one of you to see the faces of these children. Go to AdoptUSKids, find your state, and view the children waiting to be adopted. This is the most important thing that you can do. Put a face to the crisis.

After you do that, here are some other ways that you can get involved.

Foster/Adopt

This is the most obvious way to help the crisis. Become certified foster parents and possibly adopt from the foster care system. There are many different organizations that hold foster parent classes. The easiest way to find the nearest one to you would be to call your local DHHR (Department of Health and Human Resources).

Respite Care

Respite is a valuable commodity in the foster parent community. Respite is the term used for fostering a child or sibling group for a short period of time. This is especially valuable when a foster family wants to take a vacation to another state. One thing that many people don’t realize is that foster families have to get permission to take a foster child out of state. Many times due to various circumstances the requests are denied. So, respite families step in to temporarily provide a safe home for the foster child.

In order to become a respite family, you must be a certified foster parent. That means taking classes and various background checks. If you are interested in becoming a respite family please contact your local DHHR for more information.

Become A Certified Babysitter

This may sound silly, but it would mean the world for a foster parent to be able to find a reliable babysitter who was already certified. Because foster children are under the protection of the state, not just anyone can watch them. If you are interested in being able to help a foster parent out by babysitting then please contact your local DHHR office for more information. Usually, a “babysitter packet” is needed. The packet contains background check forms needed for certification. This is usually not as in depth of a process as becoming a foster or respite parent.

Journey Bags

One of the most unfortunate aspects of foster care is that children are forced to leave everything behind when they come into care. Many times the children come with only the clothes on their back. This was the case for my sons. They came into care with only the dirty pajamas and clothes on their backs. Because of this, some groups put together journey bags. You can include just about whatever you want in a journey bag, but the purpose is to provide many necessities for a child entering the foster care system. We were extremely thankful for the journey bags that were provided to our boys when they came into care. I remember how much it meant to us to not have to go out and get diapers, toys, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrushes, etc. This may seem like a small act to you, but to many foster parents and children it means the world. Whoever packed the journey bags for my children, thank you!

There are many different ways to get involved, but may I suggest a simple one? Share this blog. The more people that we make aware of this problem the more possible solutions. Let us not forget that we have an opportunity to share the love of Christ to these children.

Yes, No, And Grow (God’s Answers to Our Prayers)

For those of you that don’t know, my wife and I went through a difficult month last November.  We had a failed adoption of a newborn baby that we had been anxiously awaiting for at least six months prior.  We were in the hospital for his birth, and even spent several days in the hospital with him before he was able to go home. It all seemed so meant to be.  He was even born on my wife’s birthday.  Long story short, he went home with us, and the following Monday we got the call that changed everything.  The day the adoption paperwork was supposed to be signed, we had to return Baby E. 

I’m not going to lie, my first reaction was, “why, God?”  Why did you bring him into our lives only to take him away from us; something that we have wanted and prayed about for such a long time. Why are You doing this to us?  I know that we are not supposed to question God, but I couldn’t help it. 

But, now looking back on it I believe I can see the reasoning behind everything.  Our answers to our prayers were to “grow”.  Grow in my relationship with Him.  Also, I believe our time with Baby E was meant to show his mother that she can do it.  She can parent him and be the mother that she was meant to be.  We were the ones keeping him safe while she discovered that about herself.  And, looking back now, I’m honored that God had such faith and trust in me and my wife to make us “caretakers” of Baby E, if even for such a short time.  I’m thankful to God for that experience. 

The Highest of Highs and the Lowest of Lows

I wish this was something that we were told from the first day of our training to become foster parents.  I wish our trainer would’ve said “expect high highs and low lows”, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have made us change our mind.  Uncertainty is the hardest part of foster parenting.  It’s almost like now we are so jaded from the whole process that when we get any good news, we expect there to be bad news right around the corner. 

High:

The boys come into our care and we are told that this is the second time “Buzz” has been in foster care and the first for “Woody”, and that DHHR had done everything they could for their family the first time.  This meant that DHHR would be seeking termination of parental rights (TPR) this time.

Low:

After thinking that TPR was what DHHR was going to push for we find out that all parties within DHHR may not be interested in pursuing TPR.  We were told that yes they normally follow what the caseworker recommends, but not always.

High:

We get the boys in early May and find out that “Buzz’s” birthday would be less than a month away.  We are so excited for him and start planning from what we think could be his very first birthday party, even though he was turning two.  We had a great time! 

Low:

“Buzz” and “Woody” have a visit with their parents the week of “Buzz’s” birthday.  Guess what?  We’re told by the social workers that they did nothing to celebrate it.  They forgot!  How could you forget your child’s birthday anytime, let alone when you are trying to prove to be a fit parent?

High:

The judge rules for TPR and the rights of the parents are taken away.  So they’re able to be adopted!

Low:

Well…...it’ll be over a month before their case is transferred over to the adoption specialist and even then we don’t know if we want them to be placed with their other siblings (they have three other siblings) or separated. 

These are just a few of the highs and lows that my wife and I have experienced with these boys over the past eight months.  Would we change it?  For myself, I’d have to say absolutely not.  I have learned a lot about myself from these ups and downs.  I have learned (but still struggle because I’m human) to trust in The Lord.  One of my favorite bible verses that I’ve read on numerous occasions (due to many of the highs and lows) is Matthew 6:34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

Why we foster and adopt?

My wife and I get asked this question a lot.  The truth is that there isn’t just one answer.  Besides the generic, “I’ve wanted to adopt all of my life” or “I love children”.  Why?  This is a question that a lot of us who foster/adopt have a problem answering.  Besides being a good thing to do it may be hard to come up with specific reasons.  While they will be different for everyone, I can tell you why my wife and I decided to become foster and adoptive parents.

1.)  I believe that in Matthew 18:5 (hence the name of the blog), Jesus is calling us to foster and adopt children.  Matthew chapter 18 starts out in verse 1 with the disciples asking Jesus, “Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?”  There was a child in the audience watching Jesus.  He called the child up, and told the disciples:

“I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.  So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.”

Matthew 18:3-5 NLT

So, what does that mean?  Well it means that we should have the faith of children, but also whoever takes a child in, takes care of a child, loves a child, etc is taking in Jesus Christ, taking care of Jesus Christ, and loving Jesus Christ. 

My interpretation of this is that to truly be like Christ we have a duty to take these children that have been separated from their families into our homes, whether that be permanently (adopt) or temporarily (foster).    

2.)  The second major reason that we decided to become foster/adoptive parents is because the huge numbers of children that are in the foster system in the United States.  According to the Adoption and Foster Care Reporting System (AFCRS), by the end of 2009 there were 424,000 children in foster care.  That is astounding to me. 424,000 children that are without their families; some temporarily while their birth families work on themselves and some permanently looking for forever homes.