Yes, No, And Grow (God’s Answers to Our Prayers)

For those of you that don’t know, my wife and I went through a difficult month last November.  We had a failed adoption of a newborn baby that we had been anxiously awaiting for at least six months prior.  We were in the hospital for his birth, and even spent several days in the hospital with him before he was able to go home. It all seemed so meant to be.  He was even born on my wife’s birthday.  Long story short, he went home with us, and the following Monday we got the call that changed everything.  The day the adoption paperwork was supposed to be signed, we had to return Baby E. 

I’m not going to lie, my first reaction was, “why, God?”  Why did you bring him into our lives only to take him away from us; something that we have wanted and prayed about for such a long time. Why are You doing this to us?  I know that we are not supposed to question God, but I couldn’t help it. 

But, now looking back on it I believe I can see the reasoning behind everything.  Our answers to our prayers were to “grow”.  Grow in my relationship with Him.  Also, I believe our time with Baby E was meant to show his mother that she can do it.  She can parent him and be the mother that she was meant to be.  We were the ones keeping him safe while she discovered that about herself.  And, looking back now, I’m honored that God had such faith and trust in me and my wife to make us “caretakers” of Baby E, if even for such a short time.  I’m thankful to God for that experience. 

The Highest of Highs and the Lowest of Lows

I wish this was something that we were told from the first day of our training to become foster parents.  I wish our trainer would’ve said “expect high highs and low lows”, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have made us change our mind.  Uncertainty is the hardest part of foster parenting.  It’s almost like now we are so jaded from the whole process that when we get any good news, we expect there to be bad news right around the corner. 

High:

The boys come into our care and we are told that this is the second time “Buzz” has been in foster care and the first for “Woody”, and that DHHR had done everything they could for their family the first time.  This meant that DHHR would be seeking termination of parental rights (TPR) this time.

Low:

After thinking that TPR was what DHHR was going to push for we find out that all parties within DHHR may not be interested in pursuing TPR.  We were told that yes they normally follow what the caseworker recommends, but not always.

High:

We get the boys in early May and find out that “Buzz’s” birthday would be less than a month away.  We are so excited for him and start planning from what we think could be his very first birthday party, even though he was turning two.  We had a great time! 

Low:

“Buzz” and “Woody” have a visit with their parents the week of “Buzz’s” birthday.  Guess what?  We’re told by the social workers that they did nothing to celebrate it.  They forgot!  How could you forget your child’s birthday anytime, let alone when you are trying to prove to be a fit parent?

High:

The judge rules for TPR and the rights of the parents are taken away.  So they’re able to be adopted!

Low:

Well…...it’ll be over a month before their case is transferred over to the adoption specialist and even then we don’t know if we want them to be placed with their other siblings (they have three other siblings) or separated. 

These are just a few of the highs and lows that my wife and I have experienced with these boys over the past eight months.  Would we change it?  For myself, I’d have to say absolutely not.  I have learned a lot about myself from these ups and downs.  I have learned (but still struggle because I’m human) to trust in The Lord.  One of my favorite bible verses that I’ve read on numerous occasions (due to many of the highs and lows) is Matthew 6:34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today’s trouble is enough for today.”