The Highest of Highs and the Lowest of Lows

I wish this was something that we were told from the first day of our training to become foster parents.  I wish our trainer would’ve said “expect high highs and low lows”, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have made us change our mind.  Uncertainty is the hardest part of foster parenting.  It’s almost like now we are so jaded from the whole process that when we get any good news, we expect there to be bad news right around the corner. 

High:

The boys come into our care and we are told that this is the second time “Buzz” has been in foster care and the first for “Woody”, and that DHHR had done everything they could for their family the first time.  This meant that DHHR would be seeking termination of parental rights (TPR) this time.

Low:

After thinking that TPR was what DHHR was going to push for we find out that all parties within DHHR may not be interested in pursuing TPR.  We were told that yes they normally follow what the caseworker recommends, but not always.

High:

We get the boys in early May and find out that “Buzz’s” birthday would be less than a month away.  We are so excited for him and start planning from what we think could be his very first birthday party, even though he was turning two.  We had a great time! 

Low:

“Buzz” and “Woody” have a visit with their parents the week of “Buzz’s” birthday.  Guess what?  We’re told by the social workers that they did nothing to celebrate it.  They forgot!  How could you forget your child’s birthday anytime, let alone when you are trying to prove to be a fit parent?

High:

The judge rules for TPR and the rights of the parents are taken away.  So they’re able to be adopted!

Low:

Well…...it’ll be over a month before their case is transferred over to the adoption specialist and even then we don’t know if we want them to be placed with their other siblings (they have three other siblings) or separated. 

These are just a few of the highs and lows that my wife and I have experienced with these boys over the past eight months.  Would we change it?  For myself, I’d have to say absolutely not.  I have learned a lot about myself from these ups and downs.  I have learned (but still struggle because I’m human) to trust in The Lord.  One of my favorite bible verses that I’ve read on numerous occasions (due to many of the highs and lows) is Matthew 6:34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

Why we foster and adopt?

My wife and I get asked this question a lot.  The truth is that there isn’t just one answer.  Besides the generic, “I’ve wanted to adopt all of my life” or “I love children”.  Why?  This is a question that a lot of us who foster/adopt have a problem answering.  Besides being a good thing to do it may be hard to come up with specific reasons.  While they will be different for everyone, I can tell you why my wife and I decided to become foster and adoptive parents.

1.)  I believe that in Matthew 18:5 (hence the name of the blog), Jesus is calling us to foster and adopt children.  Matthew chapter 18 starts out in verse 1 with the disciples asking Jesus, “Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?”  There was a child in the audience watching Jesus.  He called the child up, and told the disciples:

“I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven.  So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.”

Matthew 18:3-5 NLT

So, what does that mean?  Well it means that we should have the faith of children, but also whoever takes a child in, takes care of a child, loves a child, etc is taking in Jesus Christ, taking care of Jesus Christ, and loving Jesus Christ. 

My interpretation of this is that to truly be like Christ we have a duty to take these children that have been separated from their families into our homes, whether that be permanently (adopt) or temporarily (foster).    

2.)  The second major reason that we decided to become foster/adoptive parents is because the huge numbers of children that are in the foster system in the United States.  According to the Adoption and Foster Care Reporting System (AFCRS), by the end of 2009 there were 424,000 children in foster care.  That is astounding to me. 424,000 children that are without their families; some temporarily while their birth families work on themselves and some permanently looking for forever homes.